Posts tagged “art”.

Jesus was an Alien

Alien Egg Easter

Alien Egg Easter

I woke up this morning feeling more warped and crazy than usual. Being the day before Easter, and being that the tradition is to dye eggs, I looked critically at my canvas (the egg in my hand). I tried to envision Charley Brown stripes across it’s surface, and different twirls and colors, when I happened to turn it up-side-down.

I was flooded by feelings of shock and horror as the repressed memories of the X-Files being cancelled came rushing back. Choking back tears I heard those simple notes and knew the truth was out there. I could trust no one. I had to get my message out. The question was how?

How indeed? What was my message? What was my age again? And, what on Earth was I talking about? Oh, yeah, not on Earth, right.

Green Alien Easter Egg

Green Alien Easter Egg

After my tearful memory passed, I chuckled to myself and took a raw egg and died it green. Yes, a RAW egg. Boiling eggs is so 1984. I died a RAW egg green, let him dry, put glue where the eyes should be, rolled him in purple beads, poked a hole in the top (his head?), poked a hole in his bottom (his vent?), put a miniature bellows to his head, squeezed lightly and his egg guts dribbled into a bowl.

My hollow alien egg. This is actually the second egg I tried. The first one was decorated completely awesomely, however it exploded when I tried to blow the guts out the tiny vent-hole. Yes, I got egg all over my face. This guy’s actually upside down, But who cares? He’s still out of this world!

A sun-burned Grey?

A sun-burned Grey?

So after egg dying was over, I decided to make the black egg this year. I tried a different method though. I poured all the different dye bowls together into one giant bowl and dipped my egg inside. Unfortunately it didn’t turn black.

It turned pink! Oh well, these are a race of aliens that Mulder and Scully hadn’t run into yet… I guess. Maybe?

Oh, fudge, it’s Easter and Jesus was an alien! So there, I said it. Everyone was thinking it anyway. I know you were because that’s what this entry is titled. Pink alien egg, 1984 hard boiled, but at least he’s right side up and his eye’s are symmetrical.

My eldest daughter (who goes by the web pseudonym of Tweedle-L) got into the L. Ron Hubbard, scientology act with her twisted old man with her rendition of the monsters who come at night and experiment on her.

They're coming to take her away.

They're coming to take her away.

Little, green, nazi, aliens, that’s where it’s at this year.

Luckily, my wife had something to do with our children. They aren’t little, freaky, female clones of myself. My youngest daughter (Tweedle-A, who faithfully attends a religious pre-school) decided that her daddy was being ‘Sacrilegious’ and told me to stop. So I did.

Easter is not about Aliens.

Easter is not about Aliens.

We cleaned up. Not wanting to waste the egg insides I just blew out, I decided to have some lunch. A little food coloring in the eggs and I soon had a wonderful Dr. Seuss meal, Green Eggs and Ham.

The Illuminati are sending me a sign.

The Illuminati are sending me a sign.

Pay no attention to the fact that those eggs look like an illuminate pyramid with three orbs above it. Really, I wasn’t going for anything other than green eggs and ham. I just realized this striking coincidence when I imported the photos from my wife’s digital camera.

Then again: Trust no one! The truth is out there!

The Real Mr. Potato Head

The Real Mr. Potato Head

The Real Mr. Potato Head


Tweedle-A came home from school one day with a whacky, cut-up, potato. It looked like Mr. Potato Head had a crude lobotomy; and, by crude I mean it looked like preschoolers had operated by removing the top part of his head instead of taking those funky chunks of gray matter out through his nostrils. Googley eyes and buttons for ears, this potato’s cranial opening was packed with cotton balls covered with grass seed. A little water, and a few days later and Mr. Potato Head was sporting a green mohawk in time for St. Patrick’s Day.

Definitely something to blog about.

Basketball Girls

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‘Great Uncle’ Dennis gave me some great inspiration for new video content. Speed Freak and Basketball Girls are inspired from our email correspondence. If he weren’t so manly I’d probably call him a muse; but, the flannel, bearded image of him in my mind’s eye won’t allow that. Sorry, G.U.D. you’re no Sharon Stone.

In this video clip, first Tweedle-A gets equal time to show off her other-worldly skills in her bid for the WNBA. Then while Tweedle-A works on her mad dribbling skills, Tweedle-L shows off her ability to make baskets on a regulation height goal.

Maybe they’ll be the “Williams Sisters” of Basketball? Or maybe it’ll just be a fun thing they like to do to stay in shape.

Speed Freak

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Tweedle-L has just finished her latest round of genetic enhancement treatments at the Yakamoto Laboratories in Japan. There they recently spliced in genes from the chetah. This video was taken just days after her treatment. You can see the noticeable improvements in her speed in this video.

Captured from my JVC HDD Everio Camera to iMovie 8.0. Edited and exported with Quicktime in DV format. Imported into Final Cut where the speed was increased 200%, rendered and exported using Quicktime again as a quicktime movie. Uploaded to my hosting service and modified from the 7.6MB .mov file to a 1MB .flv file.

What iMovie 8.0 is good for

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This was done just for fun. I wanted to put together something fast and easy and share it in low-res on my blog, and it was Mac-easy!

After doing this exercise I’m personally convinced iMovie 8.0 should have been branded iVideo; Apple would have avoided a lot of irate customers and bad press. It definitely is designed for web publishing.

Anyway, let me know what you think of my little athlete.